So I'm in a meeting with other University folks, many of whom I was in a meeting with last Tuesday (and several are also Facebook friends). On the surface, on the conscious level, I'm business-like and friendly, enjoying the camaraderie with folks from around campus, as we meet to discuss an important report to the Regents that could affect our work units. I make several comments, which seem to be fitting in with the flow of our communal thinking.
But - I'm also conscious of sitting next to someone I worked with very closely for a couple of years (until a few months ago), and - she's doesn't turn my way. No eye contact. She turns to the colleague next to her (one of our friendliest, full of good spirits and energy). As we prepare to leave at the end of the meeting, again my former work-team colleague turns away from me to chat with our good-humored colleague. I heave a sigh and leave.
Well, what you see is what you get. I'm at a point in life where it's not worth the energy to try to maintain illusions - for others or for myself. It looks like some of the some-day-I-will-accomplish-that sorts of things may not come to fruition, but I'm still busy doing work that seems useful, enjoying colleagues and friends, and learning how to do new things with computers. I love it when you comment and introduce yourselves!