So I'm in a meeting with other University folks, many of whom I was in a meeting with last Tuesday (and several are also Facebook friends). On the surface, on the conscious level, I'm business-like and friendly, enjoying the camaraderie with folks from around campus, as we meet to discuss an important report to the Regents that could affect our work units. I make several comments, which seem to be fitting in with the flow of our communal thinking.
But - I'm also conscious of sitting next to someone I worked with very closely for a couple of years (until a few months ago), and - she's doesn't turn my way. No eye contact. She turns to the colleague next to her (one of our friendliest, full of good spirits and energy). As we prepare to leave at the end of the meeting, again my former work-team colleague turns away from me to chat with our good-humored colleague. I heave a sigh and leave.
DANG! I'm back in junior high school again.
8 comments:
Hello Mary Ellen,
My name is bobbybegood1. I was blog browsing and came upon your wonderful blog. What really made me check out your blog was a remark you stated in your about me section. "What you see is what you get." I like that. No illusions, personas, airs, facades. After reading that I said to myself, "Hmmm, a down-to-earth woman. Good! I hope we become good blogging friends. I do invite you to visit my blog site and leave a comment.
I totally emphathize with your feeling like you were back in Jr. High again. Sure, I can imagine that her gestures hurt your feelings, but that's her loss. Obviously. May I ask, why didn't you say anything to her? I work in the field of addictions and I always tell my clients to speak/stick up for themselves, if they feel slighted by someone. Not aggressively, but assertively. However, if one is not used to speaking their truth to another, it can be very hard. Cheers Mary Ellen!!
People are weird. One thing I've learned over time is that when they're weird to me, nine times out of ten it has nothing to do with me, but is all about something going on with them.
You don't have to go back to junior high. Seriously!! xxoo
Thanks, Reya - and on my "adult" level I was mostly amused by the dynamic (or, quite probably, non-dynamic, as I doubt she was doing anything *to* me, just not paying me attention). And, bobby, I doubt that there was anything that needed to be spoken. I did think, on the way out, that I could reach out soon and suggest getting together for lunch / coffee, just to catch up. What amused/dismayed me was how much this stuff still catches at my schoolgirl ego: popularity, general public OK-ness. Deep introversion masked by professionalism, compounded by being a bit overstressed/tired just now.
I'm always surprised how easily I regress to my rather more wobbly childhood days. Easily done and I hoped that I'd get past it by 40, but to no avail.
It is an issue hardly worth dealing with - and yet, we usually can't really stop thinking about it when something like this happens, can we? And I agree - it has nothing to do with you - maybe one day she will grow up. Or not.
Also I'd be curious in a different way. The fact that she is attracted to the bubbly outgoing person maybe says that she is hankering for this in herself? Or, she could be just feeling really insecure herself and so, turning to someone who seems so outwardly bubbly can be seen as the easier option. I've found this happen to me - I'm quite extrovert and funnily enough it's often people who are bit more introvert and shyer who are drawn to me in new situations.
I used to deal with that sort of nonsense when my daughter was a cheerleader. I don't know if it was because I was older, divorced and remarried (and Catholic), but I finally gave up the effort. And then I realized I really didn't want to be part of a group that was so exclusionary. I didn't want to be a part of their clique. They did not embody my idea of friendship. It was very freeing.
For you, especially, I would think that trying to home onto people like this would really disrupt your meditation. Life is too short; why bother spending it chasing down people who are just going to be rude to you?
There are some things we just can't help. All it took was for me to read your entry, for heaven's sake, and I was standing right back in the hallway outside my locker, watching Paula B and Bev F and the rest of the cheerleading crew giggle and throw their arms around one another and head off down the hall.
In the meantime, I stood there just watching - stupid, fat, ugly and boring. Right? Oh - maybe not. But that's how I felt then and there are certain situations that can bring it back again.
I deal with it better now, but it's very interesting when it pops up. Even cyberspace isn't immune. I don't experience it so much, but in forums and chatrooms where there's more intense interaction, you can see the same dynamic. Amazing.
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