Monday, September 5, 2011

Changing season - changing household

My youngest progeny, age 23, is back home, having graduated from college (in the spring) and then filled out the year-long lease without finding a job and new place to live.  It's OK, though challenging for all of us.  We're trying to make the upstairs into actual living space after having it turn into a large and jam-packed storage area (like the basement is . . . and much of the rest of the house too, unfortunately).

I'm thinking - if not working for someone else, the kid can work for us to earn spending money - and has been doing so, yard work for the last couple of days.  After that - some household dreck purging?  Helping us part with some of the thousands of books / videotapes / magazines?

The hardest part of the transition is working to adjust pronouns, as the former young man moves through the steps to become a young woman.  Can't say "he" anymore, but "she" doesn't come trippingly to the tongue either.

I don't know how to talk about it, really.  Gender transition hasn't become as common as same-sex preference.  My mom lamented, when told about the situation, that it would have been so much easier to handle the kid's coming out as gay - we've got cousins, friends, etc., who have done that, and it's a known quantity.

Will love and trust and a good sense of humor pull us all through this?

In a fairly small house with only one bathroom?


ellen abbott said...

love and trust and a sense of humor will get you through. just remember, on the inside s/he is the same person you nurtured and loved.

Lone Star Ma said...

Sounds like you are well on your way.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I think the new reality is that many people of your child's generation face a future where they will have to create their own job. Hopefully yours will find a place in the circle which will reward talent and creativity.

shoreacres said...

Hmmmm... I don't know quite what to say, myself. It's not that I'm *morally opposed* or any of that. It's just that I can't find a way to conceive of someone wanting to change gender.

However. There's no question that love, trust and a good sense of humor are custom-designed for situations far more difficult than this. You'll do fine, I suspect.

On the other hand, there is that one bathroom. How's your youngest with plumbing and sheetrock? ;)

julie said...

I heard about this via Zoe, who sent E's Facebook page: my wonder, as a mother, was maybe there were hints of this transition?

Knowing your youngest since pre-birth, I do remember the most beautiful baby in the world (I thought so!), a solidly independent and thoughtful toddler and preschooler, a vegetarian by first grade, and then I lost track.

You two are the most open, humble, loving parents I know: certainly a model for me. I know you ALL will be beautiful and real and imaginative through the next months as the gender settles in.